Category Archives: Shakespeare Winks

Uh – figure it out for yourself – then smile once in awhile.

A Morals Test

Are you as moral as you think you are?

This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional (DAMN) situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest.

THE SITUATION:
You are in Florida , Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster. Continue reading

Help, I Can’t Stop ‘Hooking Up‘ With Trump Supporters

When someone asks about my worst hookup, I have plenty of options to choose from, but I inevitably end up telling the same story. It’s the one where I started arguing with a Trump supporter at a bar and then before I knew it, I was waking up the next morning in his bedroom. There were flags everywhere: Ronald Reagan’s face was emblazoned on one of them, “Don’t Tread On Me” made an appearance on another. I say it was the “worst” not because the sex was bad, but because, well, see above….

This was in early 2016 and—while it doesn’t excuse my choice of partner—it was before Pussygate, before the suggestion of violence against his opponents,, and before the realities of a Trump presidency really set in. So while I found a lot of his comments abhorrent, hooking up with one of his supporters wasn’t quite the moral conundrum to me that it would become a few months later. Continue reading

Baby you can drive my car…

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”

The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.”

Because of The long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!

The social worker said, “Yeah, well… You started it.”

Pull your pants up before you go to jail you idiot!

Shakespeare: Pharting is such sweet Sorrow

With every relationship come the standard milestones — your first date, first kiss, first sleepover, and your first fart. Yes, that last one, according to a 2016 survey by Mic.com, is just as monumental as the rest.

Farting around each other means there’s true intimacy in the relationship, according to Mic.

Being comfortable enough to break wind is a critical step in making the transition from just liking someone, to being in love with that person.

The website surveyed more than 125 people in their 20s and 30s to find out when most people “break the fart barrier” and found that “most people wait between two and six months into a relationship, which also happens to be prime ‘I love you’ time.”

Many people wait for relationship milestones to toot, including 7% who prefer to secure the “I love you” before farting and 18.6% who wait for the other one to fart first. Of the people who wait for the other person to fart, 73% are women, which Mic points out proves “grossness inequality” is a real thing. Thirty-three percent of people, though, say regular sleepovers mean definite cheese-cutting territory. Continue reading

Americans are waaayy over-trained

Still trying to recover from (my wife’s) death, I flew out to visit a friend on the left coast, in Eugene, Oregon. My brother-in-law, Ben, flew with me. On the way out we flew from Nashville to Denver. When we arrived in Denver our phones were still on Central time, so we thought we barely had enough time to reach our connecting gate. Denver Airport spans about three counties, with enormous long halls and moving sidewalks. We nearly blew our lungs out getting to the next gate, situated on the other side of Colorado.

I plopped down in a seat by the walkway. There was carpeted area about twelve feet wide between me and the wall of the moving sidewalk. I spied something strange on the carpet. I couldn’t really identify it at first. It was round, but looked light and dry and fluffy. A few feet away was another ball just like it. Continue reading

City Of Chicago Working Around Clock To Clear 18 Inches Of Bullet Casings From Streets

With cartridge accumulations reaching two feet or more in some areas, experts say Chicago is on track for the highest annual ammunition-depth total on record.

Promising that every effort would be made to limit the impact on residents’ day-to-day lives, Chicago officials announced Wednesday that a fleet of plows was working around the clock to clear more than 18 inches of fresh bullet casings that had blanketed the metropolitan area overnight.

Sources at the city’s Department of Streets and Sanitation confirmed that over 250 ammunition-removal vehicles had been deployed to deal with the knee-deep layer of spent cartridges, which have been steadily accumulating on Chicago’s streets, alleys, and pedestrian walkways since the previous evening. Continue reading

It’s not an issue of Black vs White…

What’s going on? Nothing much has changed – only worsened – throughout the entire nation. It matters not what race, religion, or pigmentation – the nation is crumbling.

It is no longer just the inner cities that are burning. Big City, or small towns – it is the soul of America that is burning…

The music of Marvin Gaye lives on!

Excuse Me, Can You Give Me Some Directions?

A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies room of the gas station.

As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, “Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”

The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It’s on the left.”

The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”

The little boy replied with a chuckle; “You’re pulling my leg, right? You can’t even find the Post Office!”

Butt” of course: Man sticks drinking glass in anus for sexual stimulation

Needed surgery after it broke…

Hahahahaha! Was it an Uncola glass?

An unnamed Italian man was brought to the operating room to have glass shards removed from his anus. The patient, who had a history of cocaine abuse, explained to doctors that he inserted the drinking vessel into his rectum for “sexual stimulation.” When he attempted to remove it, the drinking glass broke and left sharp pieces inside him. The DailyMail.co.uk reported that the man only sought medical help two days after the incident out of worry for his own safety.

In the BMJ Case Report, the authors noted that the 2IRCCS Policlinico San Donato Surgery surgical team carried out the operation by dilating his rectum then extracting all sharp fragments without incident. Continue reading