Oh hell… she’s in the hospital – let’s get the year rolling along properly…

Rick Biesada describes his 1967 one-night stand with Hillary; Marine says: Hillary was worth the 5 bucks

Before Hillary ruined her life by wrapping her arms around the ankles of rapist/sexual predator Bill and before Hillary used a secret police to cover up her Jerry Springer lifestyle for decades, Hillary actually had an intimate moment with a red blooded American Marine, a young buck.

Former Marine Rick Biesada writes in his hilarious book Angry White Male and the Horse He Rode in On (2001, 1st Books Library) about his one-night stand in 1967 with a 20-year-old Hillary. Rick Biesada confirms that Hillary has had sex with someone besides Webb Hubbell (probably Chelsea’s real father), Vince Foster (boyfriend, emotional husband for years), several women and maybe Bill Clinton.

Rick was working the door as a bouncer at a popular bar in Chicago one night in 1967 when Hillary, her parents and brothers came in after a wedding party. Rick let the Rodham family cut in the line and immediately Hillary took a shine on the hunky, good looking, red-blooded American marine.

Rick says that Hillary “had sparkly eyes and a cute smile. Her assertive attitude left something to be desired, she was truly self-absorbed.” [Biesada, p. 63] Hillary hit on Rick and soon they were dancing in the bar.

Rick says that Hillary was “extremely horny and didn’t seem to care if anyone was watching as she thrust her pelvis into me. I was getting worked up as she gyrated and grinded against me.

She whispered something about being Hillary from Park Ridge, like it was supposed to mean something, but to me she was just another score. She was crawling all over me now. Humping me real good. I had to laugh to myself, she reminded me of a puppy dog in heat, humping on someone’s leg.” [Biesada, p.64]

So Hillary keeps humping Rick on the dance floor in front of her parents in the bar as Rick squeezes her butt through her pumpkin-like bridesmaid dress. “I could feel the heat of her body as she pressed against me through her bridesmaid gown. She taunted me with sweet whispers. Cinderella, wow! I was seeing Blondie in a different way now. She was horny, near frantic and she was ready to go off. This smartest, most intelligent lawyer to be wanted but one thing that night. She had to cure an itch like a junkie looking for a fix … and I would be the doctor.” [Biesada, p.64]

Rick then tells of he and Hillary heading off to a seedy hotel – Red’s hotel – where he rented a room for 5 dollars for 2 hours.

Rick says Hillary was worth the 5 bucks
(despite modest chest covered with RIPE pimples)

“I had a feeling she might become a lawyer. She waived all foreplay. She struggled to get out of her gown. That gown had hidden a lot. [Hillary] looked a little better while I was drinking in the dark bar. Her gown had fallen to the floor revealing a heavy, shapeless lower body reminiscent of Bolo Dolls, I think we called them as children. The kind with a round, weighted bottom. You would punch it, knocking it over and it would spring back up. Her formless legs reminded me of tree stumps, no shape or definition. Just two logs coming down amorphously.

“… I will never forget this woman because two very distinct occurrences burn indelibly in my mind. One was her modest chest was covered with acne. I had never seen a woman before with acne on her chest. Ripe pimples, YUK!

In the heat of passion she gouged my back. She scratched me so long and deep it took weeks for my wounds to heal.

I knew this lady was going places and she did.

Right down on the bed as [Hillary] hungrily pulled me on top of her. At this point my unit was harder than Chinese arithmetic and it wasn’t hard because of her acne or her Bolo like bottom. I passed the line of departure and the only place left to go was home.

I rammed it home and as I started to stuff this turkey, she startled me. I thought [Hillary] was going to have a seizure or an epileptic fit. What if she had epilepsy? Think fast. This called for immediate action. What did I remember about first aid from the Corps? Ah, yes, reach in and grab her tongue so she doesn’t swallow it and choke. While reaching for her mouth I asked her, “Are you all right?” “Yes,” she yelped. Yes! Yes! Yes! Then she took off like a bucking bronco …

She was banging me like there was no tomorrow. She couldn’t get enough. Mama Mia! She started moaning and groaning feverishly. I was waiting for her eyeballs to roll back into her head. I was in good shape, but fast becoming exhausted trying to keep up with this wild filly.

Some guys naturally have bad luck. Here I was plugged into the smartest woman in the world and all she wanted to do was act like “O’l Paint.” How I wished I quit smoking and what a time to be thinking about a cigarette. I don’t think it was the best five bucks I ever spent, but I can surely say I got my money’s worth.” [Biesada, p.67]

Bloody Marys at 7AM Sunday morning with Hillary’s Dad

Then Rick takes Hillary back to her parents’ home at 7AM on Sunday morning and Rick was startled to find this:

“The door flew open. The moment of truth. Here’s old pops with a smile on his face and a cocktail in his hand.

“Hi, kids, how you doing?” Mr. Rodham said in an Ozzie Nelson like manner. How do you think I am doing after banging your daughter all night, you fucking nit-wit, I thought. A father in name alone.

I just smiled and said, “Fine. Thank-you. Just fine.”

I had been right about him all along. Both he and his wife appeared to be juiced. They stayed up all night while we were socializing at Red’s. He asked if I’d care for a drink, a Bloody Mary. Why not. Bloody Marys, cool. They tasted real good. I should have shown him my bloody back.

Hillary excused herself and went up to her room. Probably to dig my flesh out from underneath her fingernails. I remember sitting on the couch with her dad, Hugh, my new buddy.” [Biesada, p.68]

NOTE: After Hillary’s moment with Rick Biesada in 1967, it has all been one long, humiliating, unhappy slide down into the rat hole of her life, even as she climbed the ladder of power and money, hands gripped firmly on the ankles of her fellow political sociopath Bill, sacrificing everything for power. She should have stuck with her Marine buck.

~ About the Author ~
Federal Observer contributing columnist Rick Biesada is the co-founder of The Chicago Minuteman Project.