It’s pretty common for people to have a standard answer they give when asked how they are. Mine is generally “I can’t complain.” I’ve come to realize that the normal response to that, “no one would listen if you did” is itself a subtle form of complaint.

There are at least a couple of reasons why I reply that way. For one, I’ve noticed during my career that everywhere I have worked, there has been at least one resident complainer. The most memorable of these was an otherwise intelligent curmudgeon whose retort to “good morning” was “what’s good about it?!” Tiring of his depressing answer, I shortened my greeting to simply “morning”, which he countered with a basic acknowledgment that I’d correctly identified the time of day. I eventually just greeted him by name, to which he could only answer with mine.

In addition to his grouchy welcome, any conversation I found myself in with him was predictably hot- and cold running dissatisfaction with everything and everyone.

I vowed to avoid complaining if at all possible, unless I could offer a solution to whatever I was complaining about. In that context, it was no longer complaining, but identifying a problem and offering a remedy; much more productive.

For another, complaining is negative enough a behavior that it is strongly discouraged in the Bible. It is mentioned both in concise verses (like Philippians 2:14 and Proverbs 27:15), and in illustrations of its consequences, the most notable example of which is the Israelites’ constant complaining in Exodus despite God’s faithful provisions for their basic needs. (He even made their shoes last forty years as they wandered in the wilderness, griping and complaining, not to mention fed them manna and quail from heaven like clockwork.)

The things we feel are legitimate complaints are often, on further reflection, more in the whining category, considering the worse alternatives, and the blessings we ignore to indulge the complaining.

Something that really makes me cringe is to hear a relatively healthy person describe their comparatively minor physical ailments to a handicapped person. I am witness to this situation on a fairly regular basis, and admire the tact & self-control of the latter person resisting the urge to suggest they trade places. The self-absorbed complainer is usually oblivious to the irony.

It reminds me of the quote my dad taught me as a youth that impressed me enough to use as my senior quote, from Abraham Lincoln. Whatever you may think of the man, he once said “I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.”

The dictionary makes a distinction between complaining and whining, describing the second as “to complain in a mean-spirited way, using a nasal tone: to whine like a coward, like a spoiled child.“ In a sense, if we were to listen to the things we complain about, we would quickly realize we sound like spoiled children.

Not surprisingly, the antonym for complain is rejoice – a much healthier and needful activity.

When the object of complaints dismiss them as whining, I see it as a justification for mediocrity or a diversion from a valid cause for the gripe. Some of our more arrogant politicians have offhandedly painted Americans with well grounded dissent as whiners, which I find reprehensible; they have no moral ground to make such an accusation.

Public crooks aside, however, I would like to suggest that we consider the idea that one cannot complain and be grateful at the same time. Furthermore, thanksgiving should be a daily attitude rather than just an annual holiday. You can be content without being indifferent.

We have no clue how blessed we are, and how unjustified we are in being such ingrates regarding personal, material matters. (Note I’m omitting political issues here.) How long can any of us go without complaining, grumbling, and whining?

Next time you find yourself tempted to complain about something or someone, give some thought to a challenge I heard shared among a group of professionals at a meeting today…

“What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you had been grateful for today…?”

Written by Fred Marshell III and published on FrankNeudecker.com, November 23, 2011.

FAIR USE NOTICE:This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, etc. We believe this constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml