WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama has directed the Pentagon to replace the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with one that will allow openly gay men and women to serve in the military.

According to sources inside the Pentagon, changes to be implemented include adding choreography to marching regimens, equipping all dorms with double-wide bunks, new fitted uniforms in seasonal color palettes, the installation of hot tubs, and more.  In a potentially controversial move, the Pentagon will announce the formation of a new all-gay, all male company tentatively named “69th Fighting Sodomites.” Sources credit the creation of the 69th to House member Barney Frank, who has reportedly been working “very, very closely” with gay Pentagon officials.

Submitted by numerous readers of the Federal Observer, knowing that we would publish this  S – A – T – I – R – I – C – A – L commentary. (Ed.)

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