The Federal Observer

June 22, 2009 - In preparation for the coming of Brother Ray from the Big Apple, I began to ponder the words of Frank Zappa - and lo and behold, I found the words to a song entitled, “The Illinois Enema Bandit.” Considering that the average American is currently taking it in the posterior, by the man from Illinois, or Hawaii, or Kenya - or wherever in the hell he is from - I found these words appropriate.

The Illinois Enema Bandit

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he’s on the loose
I heard he’s on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women…
Boy, he’d just be tyin’ ‘em up
(They’d be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with the bag fulla
The Illinois Bandit Juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois…he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin’ around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a horse on his arm
Lookin’ for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit
Some day he’ll have to pay
Some day he’ll have to pay
The police will say, “You’re under arrest!”
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they’ll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, “No poo-poo jokes!”

Then they’ll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin’, “Don’t nobody have no sympathy…
HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!”
And the Bandit might say, “Why is everybody always pickin’ on me?”
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
One girl shout: “Let the Bandit be!”

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME, WHAT’S YOUR PLEA?
Another girl shout: “Let the fiend go free!”
ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDID, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?
The Bandit say: “It must be just what they all needs…”

FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, etc. We believe this constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml

Tags:

This entry was posted by The Publisher on Sunday, June 21st, 2009 at 9:59 PM and is filed under It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.